(Mom, you might want to skip this one!)
So apparently I miss sex. I am not a big sex dream person but I had one last night. It was weird and dysfunctional but it was exciting. I think that my subconscious is missing the drama of dating. The ups and downs. Having something to talk about...
I am noticing that if you are not dating or involved with someone, especially in female relationships, there is less to talk about. I think we spend a great deal of time discussing our partners, our feelings about our partners and what we need from our partners. If one is not involved in a romantic relationship, then you kind of have nothing to share with the class.
Today I am wondering why all dreams, especially sex dreams, always seem to have some sort of taboo associated with them. Like you dream about fucking your best friend’s husband or your boss or the like (no I didn’t dream about either of those men last night - thank god!). It then becomes hard to look at the person you have been intimate with in your head...which is weird because they weren’t really there and have no idea what your subconscious conjured up.
I can remember when my kids were little and I was married, I had this intense sex dream about the father of a kid in my daughter’s class. It was hot! The kind you thought about for days, well maybe years since I am now writing about it. Anyway, it totally changed the way that I talked to he and his wife. I really liked his wife too. I felt so guilty for mentally, while sleeping, cheating on my husband and then having a dream affair too! The funny part was that I was never consciously attracted to him before the dream...but boy was I afterward! Thankfully, they had the decency to move away so that helped.
This whole dream sex affair thing has me thinking about what other decisions my wholly unconscious mind makes for me. I mean it seems totally capable of causing me to have an affair or lust after someone else’s guy...what else is it up that I am not aware about!
Back when I had the married sex dream, I didn’t share it with anyone because I felt so ashamed that I had had it. I felt like I was somehow wrong even though I did nothing conscious to make it happen. The one I had last night was also with an unsuitable partner - someone who I was not attracted to before the dream. This time, I am not all that attracted after the dream and kind of am thinking “fuck no” but if I am totally honest, there is a part of me that is enjoying the instant replay.
It is going to be a long year without sex. I am thinking that perhaps I should make an exception for sex. I also need something to share with all my girlfriends to keep them interested in my life! I mean how long can I expect them to be satisfied with:
“What’s going on in your world?"
"Well, let’s see. I take the kids to school, go to work, come home from work, spend time with the kids and animals and then go to bed. Oh, and I write...which you already know because you read it every damn day!"
"Hey, wake up! I know it lacks excitement but I make up for that with monotony!”
Seriously, I am grateful for the peace and all of my friends are supportive of the man ban. They would also be wholly supportive of me getting laid. This is why I love them so much. No matter where I am: the convent or brothel, they are with me! I promise girls, I will totally screw up the mansbatical soon! I also promise to share every fucked up thing along the way! In the meantime, thanks for hanging with me while we all survive my time in the sexless hallway of life!