Stand Where You Are...

Stand Where You Are...

“Sometimes I need Only To stand wherever I am To be blessed.” Mary Oliver

I would argue that any time or day, I can stand where I am and be isn’t actually sometimes.

I think Ms. Oliver isn’t referring to the fact that only sometimes she feels blessed but that instead, sometimes she needs to be present in her life, in wherever it is that she stands, to remember that she is blessed.

Life is a complicated mix of unbearable things, sublime moments that leave all too quickly, peaceful abidings and cruel inhospitable moments where we are forced to deal with things that are painful, hard and challenge us to our core.

It helps me to remember that regardless of the situation or the flavor of that moment, I need only stand where I am and take view of all that I have and immediately, without further ado, blessed is what I feel.

Life is this ongoing mixed bag. And for reasons unbeknownst to me, I seem to have this rather sticky, recurrent belief that life should, in fact, be not a mixed bag at all, instead it should be sunshine, love and happiness all the damn time. This is a very unfortunate way to believe life should happen...because it doesn’t go like that, for anyone, ever. Pain is part and parcel to life’s daily grind. And so often, I have suffered rather needlessly because of this recurrent belief that somehow my life should be free from strife and struggle and hardship.

It was only Saturday when I last stood where I was and felt the blessing. It was on the edge of a field alight with wildflowers, their sweet aroma filling the air while their color reached into my soul and brightened it. As I stood on the verge of ecstatic pleasure, I felt the only thing I could feel at that moment...blessed. To be there, to have eyes to see, a nose to smell, a daughter to share the moment with, to be alive and able to take time away from my every day life and get lost in a field of wildflowers.

The feeling that life is good and kind and welcoming came on strong. And it held for awhile too. And I realized that the feeling I felt, this well being and being cared for feeling, was available to me whenever I want, wherever I want. I need only stop the constant droning of my mind, which seems constantly interested in inventorying all that might be wrong, could be wrong or likely is already wrong. It is my default position so it seems. One I didn’t have any part in installing fortunately. But it is mine to deal with, to beat back this naysayer in my mind and to take the grand stand, the hard won, long fought position that in this moment all is well, no matter what my head tells me.

I think that I came to believe that if I could figure it out, then I would be able to avoid the pain. All that really happened is that I created more pain for myself and others. I can be happy and content in the moments of my life, while not preparing for Armageddon which is what my mind seems to do naturally.

Sometimes, really all the times, I need only stand where I am and take stock of the moment I am in and then the blessing is available to me. All the time, every time. Life is a mixed bag, this is true, but I do have choice in what I focus on and how I show up. And for me, the more moments I stand where I am and remember just how very blessed I am, the more I remember to stand still and enjoy this life, all of its various forms and shapes, I can just stand where I am and love the skin I am in while feeling blessed beyond measure.

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